Apocalypse Blog

What is that NOISE?!

Mon, 01 Jun 2009 13:21:15 -0400

“I swear, it’s it coming from upstairs.”

“What is? I don’t hear anything.”

“You don’t hear that?”

“Nope.”

“Not the banging?”

“Sure don’t.”

“Or the thumping?”

“Can’t say I do.”

“Not even the blood curdling screams?

“Sorry.”

“Are you listening to your ipod?”

“Shhhh… Kanye’s about to go gay fish.”

When you have to go...

Mon, 01 Jun 2009 12:50:51 -0400

She walked slowly, eyes cast down, questing. There was nothing but the search. She paused at a clump of grass between the sidewalk and the road. She stooped and smelled, her nose only a fraction of an inch above the tall blades. “Yes,” she thought, triumphantly, “I can poop here.”

Here's a 50 word story for ya...

Mon, 01 Jun 2009 12:30:19 -0400

So there’s this guy and he has to do a video assignment for a class. He keeps trying to go out and get his shots, but the Miami rainy season has started (he lives there, you know) and the storms just won’t stop. Yada, yada, yada… he fails. The End.

In honor of May, the most catastrophe-infested month of the...

Sun, 03 May 2009 19:38:00 -0400

In honor of May, the most catastrophe-infested month of the year, I give you this handy zombie defense training video. Watch and learn. Make these essential survivals skills a part of you, and you just might make it through the impending apocalypse with most of your limbs and all of your brains. Who could ask for more?

Revelations

Sun, 19 Apr 2009 15:07:00 -0400

As he stared into its eyes, he saw all of the destruction that was to come. The beast would burn the nations of the earth, sowing anarchy and bending the poor souls that had the misfortune to survive to its ancient and terrible will. Tori Spelling could not be stopped.

Rude Awakenings

Fri, 17 Apr 2009 15:10:00 -0400

“Where… Where am I?” said the man, on awaking, most bewildered and scared.
“Why, you’re home, sir,” came a reply, all full of despair.
“But home’s not cold, nor dark like the grave.”
“It will be, now on, like this I’m afraid,”
“Alone it darkness, with no voice to pray.”

Why I won't play board games with my wife...

Thu, 16 Apr 2009 22:42:00 -0400

F-8.

Miss. H-2.

Hit. B-10.

Miss. H-4.

Jesus, that’s the 9th hit you’ve gotten in a row! How the hell are you doing that?!

Just lucky, I guess… Also you’re sitting in front of a mirror. Can you skooch to the left? I can’t see your submarine.

Fairer sex my ass!

Nonlinear Editing, or How I Learned to Slit My Wrists and Accept the End

Mon, 13 Apr 2009 23:24:00 -0400

Well, it’s official. I hate Final Cut Express. In my humble opinion, video editing is not a job for human beings, but for magical dwarves, sequestered in their subterranean vaults drinking Mountain Dew and remembering the good old days of acting surly and hoarding treasure. Did I mention I hate Final Cut?

The sole purpose...

Sat, 11 Apr 2009 16:17:17 -0400

…of this post is to keep the zombie pic from covering up the About section to the right. Tumblr, your themes need work.

I told you so!

Sat, 11 Apr 2009 15:56:00 -0400

Well folks, grab your pitchforks and sharpen your machetes, the zombie apocalypse is finally upon us. The first salvo was fired by a young, ambitious zombie who attempted to photography Woody Harrelson as he walked through New York’s LaGuardia Airport. Look here zombies, eating brains is one thing, but attempting to devouring our onetime Oscar-nominated actors, that’s just too far!

http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/34055160.html

Dear Fellow Students of Advertising...

Fri, 10 Apr 2009 00:08:00 -0400

If you are not going to www.makinads.com, you are dumb. There are lessons to be learned here. Lessons, I say! My advise, start from the beginning. Otherwise, you’ll be missing gold. In related news, gold prices continue to trend upward as more morons throw their savings at the empty promises of Ed McMann.

Vince Offer: Prophet of Savings, Harbinger of Doom

Thu, 09 Apr 2009 19:22:00 -0400

Apparently, Vince Offer, the ShamWow guy, was arrested in SoBe in February. According to police, the hooker he hired “bit his tongue and would not let go,” so Vince beat the shit out of her to get her off. The good news, ShamWow got the blood out of the carpet, pronto. I dunno…it sells itself.

Writers are the chosen people...

Wed, 08 Apr 2009 15:27:57 -0400

I mean it. Look at how much we suffer. I sat here for 20 torturous minutes trying to think up a title for this blog. Now you tell me, what could the Jews possibly have on that?! Centuries of persecusion you say. Alright, we’ll call it a draw.

Digital Triangle...of Love

Wed, 08 Apr 2009 13:46:14 -0400

Hello, Tumblr! I know we just met, but I feel like I already know you. Your interface is so familiar. Are you related to Twitter? No? Huh, I thought maybe you were sisters. Twitter and I are together, you know. No, no, don’t worry. It’s cool. We keep it open.